Once upon a time there was an alien who took an Uber in Delhi, got stuck in traffic for almost two hours, and was only charged INR250 (~PHP190), because Uber is supah cheap in India. Moral of the story? Don’t Uber in New Delhi, unless you love watching chaos unfold from your car window. The best way to get around is by Metro, where you also get to practice your wrestling skills. If you do it every day in the next four years, you’d have honed your techniques well enough to qualify for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.
If you are not convinced, then hear the story of the same alien who got out of the airport at around 10:30 PM, giving him ample time to catch the Airport Express to New Delhi Railway Station, but insisted on calling an Uber because he claimed to be dead tired. With the spotty WiFi signal there, he did manage to call an Uber, and then the car stopped at the airport entrance according to the app map and never moved again until it was already 11:30 PM. The Metro was no longer running.
Ending?
Alien had to shell out INR750 (~PHP550) for the taxi ride. If your
accommodation is within walking distance of the New Delhi Railway station, take
the Airport Express. It’s cheap. It’s fast. It’s modern. Oh wait, weren’t we
talking about wrestling a few paragraphs ago? Yes, let’s talk about personal
space, a concept that seems rather unfamiliar in New Delhi. Or maybe this is
because the very concept of space is not a luxury that they can ever have. No,
not in a jam-packed city like Delhi, neither the old nor the new.
Delhi
is said to be one of the oldest cities in the world, continuously inhabited for
the last 5,000 years or so. That’s a really long time, something perhaps only
Jerusalem can rival. Expect it to be full of people for the next 5,000. Falling
in line can be a nightmare because the next thing you know, someone’s chin will
be resting on your shoulders. If you are (un)lucky, a quick glance left or
right will give you a surprise lips-to-lips encounter. Or someone will just rest
his elbows on your back as he takes a selfie.
Since
Alien is allergic to people and often gets this feeling like he wants to
obliterate them, he did not enjoy Delhi that much. For someone who badmouths
Manila on a regular basis, he never thought that he would find another city
than can be any more chaotic. Pushing seems to be customary rather than rude.
It’s as if everyone’s in a mass judo match without them even knowing. But
instead of Alien trying to describe all of this to you, why not just go to
Delhi yourself? For an experience you won’t forget. Promise.
But
India is incredible, in every sense of the word. Delhi itself has three or more
UNESCO World Heritage sites, most of which offer a refuge from the chaos
unfolding beyond their compounds. Alien could have visited three, but opted to
settle for just two. Delhi can be stressful like that, especially with the 38C
heat and humidity that you have to endure once you get out of your
air-conditioned room. Oh, you booked a fan room? Good luck with that, bruh.
Let’s hope the heatstroke spares you.
Getting
out of the Yellow line’s Chandni Chowk station, you can just walk all the way
to the Red Fort. Wearing sunglasses will attract attention, but is recommended
as a double shield from both sun and dust. Crossing that intersection blind
from those two is a death wish waiting to happen. Traversing the busy streets
of Delhi is like joining American Ninja Warrior, except that it’s way more
exciting because the probability of dying here is higher. There’s no system to
it. Most locals just run at every direction whenever they want and manage to evade
death at the same time. They are amazing like that. Street Level: Expert.
The
same guy who built the Taj Mahal constructed the Red Fort. That Shah Jahan dude
obviously had a thing for opulence, of which this fort is further proof.
Serving as his ruling palace for quite some time, traces of its past grandeur still
prove to be quite evident despite the persistent wear and tear brought about by
the passing of time. The Lahore Gate to the west is said to be the only
accessible entrance. Ticket is worth INR500 (~PHP375) for foreigners, and
airport-like screening is mandatory before entry.
In
spite of the magnificent architecture, I think what I appreciated most was the
chill vibe at the compound's gardens. I haven’t visited any Ivy League campus in
the US yet, but I suppose the feeling is similar because of the colonial
architecture and the leisurely pace of just about everything that was unfolding
there. Families were just relaxing and having a chat, and there were lots of
shaded areas to choose from. One can only imagine how serene it all was back in
the heydays of the Mughal Empire.
The
fountains and the artificial streams have long been dry now, but this is where
your imagination comes in handy. Wah, how it would have felt like to be on the
apex of the caste system back them, huh? Maharajah feels! Enjoy your R&R
there before you go back out to the reality that is Delhi’s streets, which seem
to have a mind of their own, a separate organism waiting to consume you whole,
both literally and figuratively. After all, Incredible is not for the faint of
heart.
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